i have to write down my memories of you.i dont want to forget them although i know i never will.you were the best person i ever knew . so full of knowledge and wisdom.i loved you more than anyone orr anything including life itself.i tried everyday of my life to show you that while you were alive. how we talked on the phone everyday bout evereything under the sun. your ex wife ,the children, puppy ,eileen,talk shows ,people , life .the news . we never tired .sometimes more than once weld fall asleep on the phone together and wake to the phone in ears. you listened to me all the time and you always had non judgemental advice. .you let me go because of right.but even that could not change our feelings .we loved unconditionally and thats what love is all about . i remember lauderdales in stoughton how we used to go there every friday night or was it thursday night and listen to the blues ,danced ,and talked and how you surprised me by requesting my favorite song you are my sunshine . i remember going to boston with you and showing me everything like harvard and the state house ,the places you lived .i remember meeting you places like kfc or the multi health where we would talk on the cb and you would play with joyce ,give me your feet .im gonna eat your feet .i remember how we first met in the park with puppy . and how after 5 days i ended up at your apartment and making love to you and how you asked me if this was just a one night stand or if it was going to be a relationship. so direct . not what i was used to . and i was seperated from my husband at that time for well over 2 months if not more and we decided it was going to be a relationship. you were so happy because you toild me right out you wanted to see me again and get to know me . i remember we had an equal relationship.making love to yoiu you were so gentle .i couldnt get close enough to you and i couldnt get enough . the world disappeared and i was in heaven with you. i never experienced love like that. i remember how you treated puppy so human . cooking for him and sharing the mcdonalds with him .i remember your advice ,like when i wouldnt tell a whole story you would say its still a lie and that is i am lying to myself.how you told me i couldnt take good care of joyce till i took care of myself first .that for me to love joyce i would have to love myself first. i remember how you would say im not a nobody ima somebody and ild said i was crazy and yould say well if youre crazy then i must be crazy and you cant be crazy because you had a reputation tyo hold .i remember how you used to tell me for my own good ways to better myself not for you but for myself like losing weight so i can live longer and buy new clothes so i can feel better and do something constructive like go to school or get a job but even if i didnt do anything you told me you would still love me . i remember how comfortable it was to be with you .how we talked about anything .i could talk about my feelings ,my childhood,sex ,or anyone without fear. you listened and communicated your thoughts .a rarity in most men. i remember the first night we slept as one and i i wouldnt ,couldnt let you sleep from the happuiness of being one with you. i think i even knew i loved you then even though it was first time spending night . you didnt eve n get mad at me for keep waking you up and just smiled and held me and kiss me to try to get me back to sleep.i kept looking at your handsome face ,those eyes and touching you admiring you. i felt i was in a dream i never wanted to wakje from yet i woke to that dream and realized it was real. .i remember i didnt even want to leave .i remembver how your skin was so smooth ,soft,beautiful. you were always taking good care of your body .it always smelled of cocunut or peaches from your bubble baths .i remember taking baths with you and how we would wash eachother .i remembered how you loved bowling ,boston and bjs . im only sorry i didnt know you a long time ago before both of us married and that you didnt have a good life with your ex wife and how she stabbed you many times ,the abuse you put up with but yet for your children you stayed . i know you tried and she was a fool and im glad you didnt stay with that violence but then we might never have met. you did the best you could for your family ,.like with your son being gay . you understood and accepted that .taking your daughter in for awhile and helping her. i remember you were such a giving person .always doing things for other people even though you were sick and up in years .you were always so forgiving and try to understand.i remember when you first found out you had aids you tried to lie to me and say it was luekemia . but the next day you told me the truth because lying is not you and couldnt live withyourself if living a lie. that was your nature. i remember how you didnt even know my mom but you still took her to the store and bought her cigarettes.and how my best friend was fighting with her husband at the garage on warren ave and we were just riding and you stopped to see if everything was alright between them .i remember how i would be testing you at the beginning of our relationship and go over another guys house and ild call you and even though you were upset yould pick me up ,and to teach me a lesso n wouldnt let me touch you or spend the night with you .yould tell me i was only hurting myself even though im also hurting you. i remember through all the wrongs i did you were always right there forgiving me and comforting me . you taught me so much about life and love. we tried to do what was right by me going back to my husband but the love amnd memories were a;lready there .nothing could keep us apart /thats why after not seeing eachother for so long that we ran into eachpother again and behaved but the love was toio strong again that even aids couldnt destroy us and keep us apart. yes i would have died for you with you. but a miracle that i got no trace even thjough we made love again .i believe you werean angel in disguise.smiling . could that of been why. i doint regret . how many times we ended it only to be together again. i remember how you used to have to blare out the other cbers .spotlight was your handle . oceangal was mine . yes i have guilt .i wanted to do what was right but i couldnt because of love . i had it all when i had you .i never desired more . you were worth every breath i took for the love we had and the life we had. i sinned because i was married yes and i had no right but we met by accident and you swept me off my feet and we are both to blame for that.im glad i did .and you left me with so many memories love . even now in death i love you and sometimes i want to die to take that chance to be with you again but i have my children and lufe and its not my time to go and i know you would want me to go on so now 14 years after you left i am trying to do whats right. i tried working on marriage . i wont go there . just theres nothing there anymore and it uis what it is. i want to make you proud of me .there will be always a sadness in my heart and ill always miss you .im sorry i didnt get to say goodbye to you .i wanted to but i didnt get to see you. i saw them putting you in the ambulance .i wanted to go with you but the paramedics said no even though you were already dead.i didnt know that at thje time . but i have to ask this .that day whemn i called you and knew something was wtong beecause you didnt pick up phone then eileen answered and said she found you on your floor i booked it over there ,daughter and all. i sped and never had that feeling but feltt like someone was saying get there fast cheryl . i felt like i was running gainst time or the devil. didnt like that feeling but it guided me . was it you hon ?tears on my face.i tried to be there for your daughter .i went to the hospital and all that night i kept calling and hospital said they were wporking on you .i know she doesnt know what we had so i will let her live her life and hope that all your children live long and be happy,.i never gave up on you .i kept hoping that they would come up with a cure or somehow we would find a way to be together as husband and wife so i could carry your name and give you all my love unconditionally without the guilt or what peopkle thought /.but now hopefully youll be at peace in heaven wuith god and maybe this racial prejudice will do away with like we wantedf. maybe people will realize that everybody is special no matter what color the skin is .hey black president obama. getting there.smiling /we are all from god and we are all equal. i know in heaven you know this . here on earth we live in body shells and become whole again after death. thanks for the 7 years we had together and for pretending we were married.smilibng. good morning mrs hatcher.wheres my kiss/?thanks for so much.i cant write all my memories but i know them inside of my heart.the hard thing is i xcant see you or hear you . you weree an angel and now yoyuve returned to your home in heaven.i put you through alot and you didnt deserve it.i know the love we had will never be again on this earth and there will never be another you.i never experienced so much kindness ,love ,enderstanding ,trust and forgiveness as i did with you. be happy love .may i meet with you again,.i hope so. god i hope so. ill miss you .hey remember how you told me some people had to take drugs to live like you and o had no choice while other people abuse drugs .i can still see you on the couch when i stopped in unexpectedly or see you at the table or at the kitchen sink doimng dishes .asking me to come over to do the dishes or make you something to eat. yould come behind me saying later and turn me around to kiss and make love. how you called my daughter our daughter. i will not be afraid to be a woman like you told me and wear dresses sometime . i go by your apt and remember looking out the window . how we cried cause you cried because of a fire along time ago and lost a;ll your pics .i held you. i love you. i have a who;le book of memorires you gave me written down. our life . what a life .